The Helmholtz Frequency of a Wooden Box -or- Never Trust Anything That Used to be a Tree

Acoustic guitar designers far smarter than I have argued (sometimes in my presence) about “Tuned Tops”, the controversial idea being that guitar soundboards may be carefully sanded in order to emphasize a desired inherent note, or “Peak Resonant Frequency”. I only refer to that debate on my way to talking about what really matters in life: AMPLIFIERS. 

But first, Coke bottles. Blow across the top of a coke bottle (or one of my Uncle Leo’s moonshine jugs), 

and you’ll get a note. Sure, the note will contain harmonics, overtones, and whatnot, but a note of determinate pitch will be mostly what you hear. Increase the cavity size by “removing” some of the corn  liquor, (first, give your cell phone to a friend for safekeeping), and the note gets lower. This is a Helmholtz Frequency.  Guitars demonstrably have them, it’s just that it takes an air compressor gun to blow across the top of the soundhole with sufficient “oomph”. 

How you’d blow across an amp cabinet to make a Helmholtz note, I have no idea. But what with the soft yellow pine (now many decades old) that pre-CBS Fender amps are made of, and their floating baffles, and their open backs... these old amps practically dance around when played at or near full blast.

Jim Marshall’s iconic 1960 4x12” cab is made from far stiffer baltic birch ply. The speakers originally available to Jim were really 15-watters, so he needed four twelves to survive the output of his JTM45. The closed back, fixed-baffle* cab is actually airtight, providing speaker-protecting air suspension, and reduced excursion (pumping to-and-fro). 

I gigged for years with an open-back Marshall Bluesbreaker which really sounded like a Fender. That closed-back 4x12 cab is a key tone ingredient. 

Particle board came into common use as amp/speaker cabs  long after the Golden Age. It’s cheap, endlessly plentiful, and has none of the resonant qualities of finger-jointed Pine or Birch Ply. Apart from the SIGNIFICANT musical advantages of eschewing glue ‘n sawdust speaker cabs, that particle board crap “out gasses” formaldehyde, hastening the demise of the planet while generating inferior tone.

I recommend finger-jointed pine for combos, or Baltic Ply for cabs. If you buy a really old one, you’re saving a tree, as well as reaping the sonic benefits of decades of the wood drying out and vibrating. Manufacturers of particle board may chase me down and club me, but their crappy bats will crumble to dust with one crack of my noggin. 

*on 1960 cabs, the baffle board to which the speakers are mounted is attached all the way around, unlike Fender's tacked-only-at-the-four corners, or "floating baffle"

My Favorite Guitar; Drew Berlin's 1956 Les Paul Custom

BURST BROTHERS: COLLECT THE WHOLE SET!

Two of 'em, actually.
Dave Belzer let us (Okay, ME) check out his 1959 Burst (See below), and now Drew Berlin is up on the boards with his Honey Baby, a 1956 Les Paul Custom, fitted with 2 real PAFs. Ay, Carumba.

This stick has a pedigree that would make your head swim, including Drew's 10 years with the Originator, Little Richard.

Whoooooooooooooooooooo, indeed.

SOME LES PAUL CUSTOM INFO...
Nowadays, beginning with the reintroduction in 1968 after seven-odd years in mothballs, The LPC is pretty much a Standard with an ebony fingerboard and fancier trim.
It was not always thus.
From late 1953 until on or about the end of 1960, Customs were one huge hunk of mahogany. No maple cap. With just a paltry handful of exceptions, the early ones had a unique P90/ Alnico set of pickups, while the last three years of the run featured THREE PAF hum buckers. Many, I for one, have longed for a 2 PAF fifties Custom.

 Drew has one. This one.

NOTA BENE Dave Belzer has a conventional 3 pickup Custom which is  just a couple of serial numbers apart from the one Clapton used with Lennon in Toronto, with Delaney and Bonnie, and elsewhere.

MY FAVORITE GUITAR Dave Belzer's '59 Burst

Dave Belzer is half of the legendary "Burst Brothers". Along with Drew Berlin, they have played, appraised, brokered, owned, and played more BIG vintage guitars than anyone on the west coast, or possibly anywhere. They are my friends, and, MAN, do they love AUTHENTIC guitars. I cannot imagine having to pick just one favorite from the man's private stash. Sophie's Choice. Here's what he picked...

If MY house catches on fire, I'm going to drive over to Belzer's house to make sure HIS guitars are safe. Can't be too careful. 

MY FAVORITE GUITAR Mat Koehler's 1944 Epi FT-79

Writer, musician, collector, wheeler-dealer, and connoisseur of objets d'art (Especially old motor oil signs), Mat Koehler is a man of exceptional taste in guitars. 
 He has a special affection for pre-Gibson Epiphones.

BETCHA DIDN'T KNOW
Gibson and Epiphone were rivals, BITTER rivals, prior  to 1957, the year Gibson absorbed the smaller, New York-based, company. It's said that the outgoing Epi employees staged a bonfire of guitar bodies and necks on their way out of the factory en route to the unemployment office. Get a load of Mat's 1944 flattop. Wartime production was almost illegal, making this an almost impossibly rare bird.

 Some acoustics seem to have been sprinkled with magic dust. This is one.

BRIAN KAHANEK "MY FAVORITE GUITAR"

In this clip from the "My Favorite Guitar" series, Los Angeles Solo Artist / Studio Ace, "Brian Kahanek", shows off "Grandpa", a '59 RI Les Paul.

"Grandpa" may be heard on "Starlight", from the CD "One True Thing", HERE:

I'd be mad at him for how well he plays, but you can't be mad at The World's Nicest Guy

So I sent this to a bunch of my no-good guitar playin' buddies:

Among those who responded are The Burst Brothers (Dave Belzer and Drew Berlin), Bob Mothersbaugh (AKA Devo's Bob 1) Steve Lukather, Mat Koehler, Chuck Kavooras, Arnie Newman, Brian Kahanek, and Holland K Smith.


I'll be shooting their segments soon. Meantime, you have to start somewhere. So I started in my bedroom. 
SPOILER ALERT: My Favorite Guitar is gaudy and twangy. 

S'cuse Me While I Kiss This Guy: Blues Lyrics Untangled.

“S’cuse Me While I Kiss This Guy” 

Blues Lyrics Untangled

You didn’t grow up in the Mississippi Delta during the 1940’s. No you didn’t. Shut up. More like the suburbs, with a Schwinn Sting Ray, and a crush on Farrah. 

You are forgiven, therefore, for not catching every nuance of lyric springing from Field Hollers and the Jim Crow South. I’m a little too much into this stuff, so I think I can help.

That Eleven-Light City, Sweet Home Chicago

Believe it or not, that’s sort-of correct. 

NOT ROBERT JOHNSON

This one’s a mess. In 1927 Kokomo Arnold...

...sang “Eleven-Light City, Sweet Home Kokomo”. In 1937, Robert Johnson’s composition actually contains more references to California than to Chicago. In fact, it may have, as it turns out, nothing to do with the Windy City (stay with me). But Chi-Town has anthemized it. Anthems are no place for lyrical ambiguity. The original lyrics are tricky and mysterious, and, therefore, their use is eroding. 

If your world began in the 80s, you will be confused to hear RJ sing, over and over, “back to the land of California, to my sweet home Chicago” and in the third verse, “I’m going to California, from there to Des Moines, Iowa. 


So what gives? 


Dispensing with the harebrained theory that he didn’t know California from Illinois (he did), we have left some tantalizing possibilities. 

Was the recitation of these various locales an imagined paradise (to oppressed black southerners) all lumped into one? 

Was Johnson, the lyricist, assuming the role of a bullshitting Romeo, trying to pressure his girlfriend into a clearly fictitious road trip?

Was he pronouncing “through” as “troo”? That would be a pretty Chicago-ey thing. Like Joe Pesci in “Casino”. 

Or, my favorite, (tympani roll), was he was talking about Port Chicago, California, where Johnson had relatives? I like it! Chicagoans won't, though.

John the Conqueror 

An African folk hero, a legendary enslaved prince, JTC has a hallucinogenic root named after him . 

Willie Dixon preferred the wording “John the Conqueror Root”. Dixon used this in at least three songs; most famously in “Hoochie Coochie Man”. Bo Diddley, on the other hand, went with “John the Conkeroo” in the barroom staple “I’m a Man”. 

In his great boogie, “Who Do You Love?”, the question is not: “Why isn’t it the more correct ‘WHOM’ do you love?”, but, rather, “WHO THE HECK IS ARLENE?!?”  

Let’s look at some numbers: 

She took him by the hand, she took him for a walk, but she shouldn’t give him no lip. 

We still don’t know who Arlene was. You know who else probably wanted to know who she was? Bo’s WIFE, Ethel Smith. 

Ethel, by the way, was credited with co-writing “Love is Strange”, with Mickey and Sylvia

She didn’t, really, but royalty contracts are peculiar things.

Wang Dang Doodle 

Willie Dixon wrote it, Koko Taylor sang it, with a young Buddy Guy on guitar, and it ran up to #4 on the charts in 1966

Every suburban blues band in America sings it. If I ever once hear the groove and lyrics done right by a cover band, they’ll have to give me smelling salts. 

The song has the simplest of premises: we’re having a big blow-out, replete with fish scent and snuff juice. But it’s the colorful cast of likely attendees which causes all the lyrical mishaps. 

First off, if I get any say in this, do not UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES invite Butcher-Knife-Totin’ Annie. She makes me very uncomfortable .

Kudu-Crawlin Red? All I could find was this picture of a critter called a Kudu.

But the name no one, NO ONE, has ever gotten right? Abyssinian Ned. Now you know. You’re welcome. 

Got my Mojo Workin’

Somewhere along the line, a terrific live recording of Muddy Waters singing Preston Foster’s 1956 voodoo chant became THE version. Lost to history’s dustbin are Foster’s original references to Black Cat Bones all pure and dry, nor Four Leafed Clovers all hangin’ high. But... you will NEVER see a cover band do this one without including Muddy’s Yosemite Sam-like BRRBRRBRRBRRBRRBRR. The other detail worth examining is the line “Goin’ down to Louisiana, get me a mojo hand* Gonna have all you women...” 

What? 

As a kid, I went with “Gonna have all you women retching like a man.” Hey, I was young. And high. I now believe it’s “Gonna have all you women right here at my command” with “right here” pronounced like “ryche eer”. Hey, he was from Mississippi. And, regrettably, he changed the original “I’ve got some red hot tips keeping here on ice” to “whole lotta tricks... on ice”. I pray I’m never in a band that works this up, but if we do, we’re going with “hot tips”. I just hate bands that think they’re this 

but are really this.

What lyrics have you scratched your head over? Leave ‘em in the comments. I’d like to make fun of you. 

* Mojo hand: A detached, deformed hand, or a piece of dried monkey. I don’t make up the news, I just report it. 

Beep Beep Mmm Beep Beep YEAH!

The Fabs didn't grow up car crazy. 

England isn't a car culture the way Southern California (Or Texas)  is, and they didn't have the money. At first, Mal Evans drove them everywhere in a crummy van with no heater. 

John had no driver's license until 1965. 

Ringo had a Ford Zephyr for hauling drums 

Apparently, George had a Ford Anglia pre-fame 

Hey, they were Ford guys, like me! 

By their early 20s, they were millionaires. The First Order of Automotive Business was a band limo. What’s an Austin Princess?

George swapped his Anglia for a Jag

Then he bought a second Jag, this one an E-type

And, since being the lead guitarist for the Beatles and driving an E-type Jag wasn’t cool enough, he bought an Aston Martin DB5

Ringo nearly missed an Indianapolis gig when the local coppers treated him to a few race laps around the speedway. Time got away from them, so they screamed along in a flotilla of cruisers, in the nick of time for downbeat.

Meanwhile, at the Lennon household, John passed the exam, and word hit the wires that he was looking for a car. A fleet of Swinging London’s Baddest Rides were presented for consideration. Blind as a bat, and having barely learned to drive, he made the sensible choice. 

A Ferrari.

Later that year, he acquired a snazzy Benz roadster

Predictably, the young, newly moneyed Brit bought a Rolls. Like the Chuck Berry song, “No Money Down”, he specified a double bed, a fridge, a TV, a phone (#Weybridge 46676), and decades ahead of the “Pimp my ride” guys, he got it “Murdered out” in matte black paint. Bored with that by 1967, he painted it psychedelic. He might’ve been high.

The car was later brought to the States where John and Yoko donated it to the Smithsonian for a $225,000 tax credit. 

John must’ve liked limousines. He had a ’56 Bentley 

And one of those super-cool, mile-long Mercedes limos. When he moved to the states, this one transferred to George

“Meeting a man from the motor trade” 

-She’s Leaving Home

That lyric actually refers to Terry Doran, who partnered with Brian Epstein on a Mini Cooper dealership. Eppy ordered four Minis spruced up with wood, wool, and leather interiors; power windows(!); a sunroof; and custom bumper and light treatments. Ringo used his, believe it or not, to carry drums

while George painted his all crazy, and loaned it to John

McCartney developed elegant taste overnight: fine art, the Theatre, and cars like this Aston

and this Lamborghini 

Here’s Paul's Mini...

...which he later totaled. 

Speaking of mishaps, as a superfan of Beatle music, I’m glad that the Germans build ‘em sturdy.

Here’s George’s  

Here’s Ringo’s

It’s not German, but here’s John’s boo-boo

When the Lennons relocated to America, John brought over an old Hearse, and had it outfitted with airplane seats. He might’ve been high.

Californians: Look for it on the road, it’s got the license plate “EMAJUN”. 

I like big crazy old station wagons (You can see the grille of my mom’s 1974 Gran Torino Country Squire in the above photo of my Galaxie 500). John must have, too, because he bought this for rolling around incognito

Ringo’s taste was all over the place, from Facel Vega ...

...to a not-very-collectible Mustang 

George was the real car guy. 

Race cars, really (That's actually him).

Ferraris as daily drivers 

and even as investing partner in a “hypercar”

AFTERWORD: McCartney has lent his name to Lexus Hybrids for environmental reasons; Ringo was recently spotted by our friends at AMagicalHistory Tour in Beverly Hills driving a Mercedes sedan; John’s last car was a 1979 tan Mercedes station wagon; and I like to think of George’s last car as the McLaren used by the “Threetles” in the Anthology videos.